So have you ever found yourself in a situation where everything around you seemed to be just craziness and you have to just sit back and re-confirm that God is in control? I'm a youth pastor and I find more and more how much the relationships between parents and kids are just soooo crucial and important.

There is a situation that I'm involved in with some parents where there was so much verbal and physical abuse that some of the kids in the family are in deep denial and defend the dysfunction...really reminiscent of a cult! Then there are some that realize how jaded and dysfunctional it is but stay around enough to get hooked up on birthdays and Christmas...then you've got some that say..."I'll forgive you for my own sanity & because it's the godly thing to do...but I'm not going to subject myself to your lack of self-control and inability to communicate with out verbally assaulting me or those around me" and thus not have any communication with those parents.

I personally don't see anything wrong in life or biblically where you can forgive someone and then choose not to see that person again. I think of women who were raped, forgave the person and then just moved on with their life never wanting to see that person again...I think of when I was robbed as a kid...we forgave the person/people that did it but we never wanted to see them anymore...there isn't anything wrong with it...the important thing is that there is forgiveness....

It's crazy how people confuse forgiveness with being buddy buddy with that person after forgiveness. I'm amazed at what a Religious Spirit can do to supposedly godly people/parents.  Family or not...there has to be some level of life that we can live in where we don't cover dysfunction and abuse with "Just forgive and go back to one peachy happy family the way it was!" It's like a dog returning to it's vomit....it's gross and wrong.

I look at scripture in Eph. 6 & Col. 3 and then hold these parents up to just these two portions of scripture and think...wow for being supposedly so Godly they sure did skip these chapters or just chose not to live what they preached...

Ephesians 6:4 (In Various Translations)
NASB: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (NASB ©1995)

GWT: Fathers, don't make your children bitter about life. Instead, bring them up in Christian discipline and instruction. (GOD'S WORD®)

KJV: And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.

BBE: And, you fathers, do not make your children angry: but give them training in the teaching and fear of the Lord.

WEY: And you, fathers, do not irritate your children, but bring them up tenderly with true Christian training and advice.

WEB: You fathers, don't provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

YLT: And the fathers! provoke not your children, but nourish them in the instruction and admonition of the Lord.

So what does this verse say to me? Plain and simple...it says Luke, there is a way that you can communicate, speak to and treat your kids. If you want your kids to receive the Godly true Christian training, discipline, instruction and admonition of the Lord...do it in a manner that is pleasing to God. Last time I checked, sarcasm wasn't in the list of the fruit of the spirit, nor was beating your children till they bled when they made a mistake. What kid on the planet would care one ounce about what their parent had to say if they were repeatedly treated like this? And why would you want anything to do with an abuser? It's one thing to forgive...it's another thing to subject yourself to more of the same.

Can the person/parent change? Sure...is there hope? Absolutely...Is time a healer? It can be, but I don't think any of these things are the main issue...forgiveness is the main issue...how you choose to spend your time afterwards is up to you.

Colossians 3:21 (In Various Translations)

NASB: Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart.

GWT: Fathers, don't make your children resentful, or they will become discouraged.

ASV: Fathers, provoke not your children, that they be not discouraged.

BBE: Fathers, do not be hard on your children, so that their spirit may not be broken.

DBY: Fathers, do not vex your children, to the end that they be not disheartened.

WEY: Fathers, do not fret and harass your children, or you may make them sullen and morose.

Spare the rod and spoil the child... yup....assault verbally and physically??? Absbsolutely not. Where is that in scripture...oh yeah when Jesus was crucified. They did those kinds of things to Him...

I don't say all this in sarcasm or out of unforgiveness. I truly believe I have a righteous anger on issues like this. It's just amazing how some parents will do things in the name of God, cover it up with scripture and then expect the kids to respect them! I know that the bible says to honor your father and mother and I fully believe it...but scripture does go both ways here...Kids honor parents ... parents ... don't confuse discipline with provoking, harassing and ticking off your kids.

What happens when parents are toxic??? Thus putting that toxicity on others? Thus passing that on to future generations of kids and grandkids?

What happens when parents take the issue that they are dealing with one child on and put that issue/conflict on the other kids thus making them take a side? I call it manipulation, which biblically is a form of witchcraft.

As a youth pastor, it is so hard for me to understand how parents choose to raise their children. I am an advocate for the kids and for the parents...but when I work so very hard to bring a word to kids every week...when I try to live my life as the best example of a Godly man to a generation of teens that need an example to follow and then that word and lifestyle isn't re-enforced at home... and in a lot of cases the complete opposite...it just gets so incredibly frustrating. I am for parents and kids... not abusing and attacking and breaking the spirits of kids.